Workplace Policies (Effective Immediately) 1. Bill Melton Jersey .1 Disagreements Minor disagreements shall be settled with small acts of violence: a slap to the face, a stapler to the groin, or a laptop to the knees are just a few examples. Employees may use any workplace object or surface in order to injure other employees. Remember: violence encourages others to better understand your way of thinking, and fosters respect in future disagreements. Those who attempt to settle minor disagreements with reason and dialogue shall be in violation of The Code. Major disagreements shall be settled by dropping the gloves and chucking knuckles. The last employee standing shall be considered in the right, though both employees shall be sent home for the duration of that workday. Third parties in disagreements are strictly forbidden, and any third party combatants shall be sent home without pay for the duration of the workweek, though will be considered to have grit and admirable character. Third party incidents shall be ignored if the number of those in the disagreement grows to include the division or team its entirety. Those not participating in a full-division disagreement shall be in violation of The Code and will be considered to be absent of grit and admirable character. 1.2 Benefits and Compensation Benefits and compensation shall henceforth be awarded without reason or rationale. Lower level employees will inexplicably, at times, be better compensated than executives or long-serving employees. Those in the Toronto offices shall be compensated at a rate double of that in regional offices. Performance shall have little to do with compensation. Unquantifiable intangibles will be cited as reasons for inflated remuneration. Those who have outstanding fourth quarters shall be rewarded for that quarter in ignorance of all previous quarters. Those who carry the bulk of the workload and adhere to The Code shall be rewarded in empty platitudes, but not monetarily, though will be considered to have grit and admirable character. 1.3 Responsibility Failure and underperformance by teams and divisions shall fall upon the team leaders and divisional executives. If teams or divisions fail to meet expectations, the team leader or divisional executive shall be summarily dismissed. Teams and divisions will publicly praise their dismissed leaders, and will promise to continue to support the organization with efforts of no less than 110%. 1.4 Discrimination and Harassment We expect and demand a respectful and professional work environment. Discrimination shall not be accepted under any circumstances, with the following exceptions: If it involves Europeans. If it involves French Canadians. If it involves non-Canadians. If its really funny. Harassment shall be tolerated only under the following circumstances: If it involves interns. If it involves first-year employees. If it involves guys who had it coming. If its really funny. For circumstances that do not fall into the above categories, please refer to The Code. 1.5 Statement on the Bearing of Firearms Carrying of firearms is strictly prohibited. This is not the NFL. 1.6 Health & Safety All workplace-related injuries and illnesses shall be kept private, and referred to only as upper- and lower-body ailments. Employees who are absent while suffering from workplace-related injuries and illnesses shall be considered to be lacking grit and admirable character. Should an employee be absent due to non-workplace health issues (hangovers, STDs, pregnant in an adulterous affair), their ailment shall be referred to as the flu or food poisoning. Information concerning hangovers, STDs, and pregnancies from adulterous affairs shall be kept within the organization, under the purview of The Code, and because they are indicative of grit and admirable character. For safety purposes, suits and protective headwear shall be worn at all times on the premises, and removed only in instances of disagreements (see 1.1) or celebration. Athletic supporters are not mandatory, but, cmon. 1.7 Nepotism Nepotism shall be rewarded and encouraged. Family members of previously successful employees shall be determined to possess equal or superior skills to the aforementioned. Automatic respect will be garnered. 1.8 Alcohol & Drugs Use of alcohol and drugs on work premises are strictly forbidden, except during celebrations or getting ready for a big day. Alcohol and drug use on employees personal time shall be discouraged, though ignored if said employees are productive or adhere to The Code or have grit and admirable character. 1.9 Media Relations After each workday, all employees shall be required to address the media. Team leaders and divisional executives shall issue brief statements, followed by terse and adversarial responses to the medias questions. The media shall, at all times, be considered ill-informed and intrusive. Employees will be permitted to answer questions with only the following five responses: We gave a 100% and put in a full day. Its all about the team. I refer you to The Code. Were taking it one day at a time. Only time will tell. Any media member who challenges the policies or activities of the organization will be questioned for not having previously worked in our industry, and dismissed for a lack of understanding of The Code or the merits of those who have grit and admirable character. 2.0 Treatment of Co-Workers All co-workers shall refer to each other by their first name or surname with a –y added to the end (Smith=Smithy or Smitty, Dave=Davey) or by a nickname that is equally affectionate and insulting. Adolescent, insulting, and vile language is henceforth the norm. Employees are encouraged to insult co-workers by calling each other by names that are not gender appropriate, referring to having intercourse with each others mothers and/or partners, and to question both the size and effectiveness of employees manhood. Such language is noted to adhere to The Code, and those who excel at its employment are seen to have grit and admirable character. 2.1 Transferability Henceforth, all employee contracts are transferable. Without notice or warning, any employee may be transferred to another organization. Reasoning for the transfer must include: Spite. Mismanagement. An attempt to shake things up. Disagreement over compensation. Perceived disrespect. Employees request. Failure to adhere to The Code. Lack of grit and/or admirable character. Alternately, employees may now be demoted to subsidiary organizations with lesser facilities in lesser locations, though these subsidiaries are known to foster grit and admirable character. 2.2 Repercussions Minor violation of any of these policies, or any act that violates The Code, will result in a half-day banishment to a secured cubicle that has been built in each divisions workspace. While in the secured cubicle, penalized employees will feel shame. Major violations shall require suspensions at the purview of management, though the length of any suspension shall not be related to any other. At the discretion of management, minor and major violations may be ignored if they are deemed to fall under the discretion of The Code. In such instances, the offending party shall be labeled as having grit and admirable character. Conclusion Each of these policies may change without notice or rationale at the discretion of management, and every 4-8 years the workplace shall be shutdown for 8 months to reevaluate all policies to the great frustration of our valued customers. All employees are forthwith encouraged to adhere to The Code and develop grit and admirable character, or they should go work for a European organization. Interested parties may opt to enroll in the organizations monthly character building workshops on the Sutter Family farm in Viking, Alberta. Harold Baines White Sox Jersey . PAUL, Minn. Custom Chicago White Sox Jerseys . Sixteen teams have moved on. Sixteen teams have gone home. http://www.whitesoxauthorityshop.com/Adam-Laroche-Jersey/ . Toronto (11-12) gave up leads in 10-8 and 11-4 losses to the Baltimore Orioles this week. It was never close Friday as the Boston Red Sox got to Mark Buehrle early en route to an 8-1 win.SAN DIEGO -- Kevin Correia scattered three runs and four hits over six innings, Kurt Suzuki hit an inside-the-park home run and the Minnesota Twins defeated the San Diego Padres 5-3 on Tuesday night. Correia (2-5), a San Diego native, struck out six and walked a batter in winning for only the second time in his last six starts. Glen Perkins pitched the ninth for his 13th save in 15 chances. Ian Kennedy (2-6) worked into the seventh for San Diego, giving up four runs as he lost for the seventh time in eight starts against American League teams. It was the second of Kennedys two wild pitches that helped the Twins score the go-ahead run in the seventh. His first wild pitch in the sixth let the Twins tie the game. Suzukis inside-the-park home run, the first by a Twin since Joe Mauers on July 21, 2007 against the Angels, made it 5-3 in the eighth inning. Eduardo Escobar walked to begin the Twins seventh, took second on Aaron Hicks sacrifice bunt and moved to third on a wild pitch. Pinch-hitter Josmil Pintos fly to right scored Escobar for the 4-3 lead. Correia, who pitched for the Padres from 2009-10, retired the first 12 batters before Chase Headley doubled to right in the fifth. During that stretch Correia struck out four, with only four balls hit out of the infield. Will Venable followed Headleys double with a single and Headley scored on Jedd Gyorkos grounder through the left side. After the runners advanced on Yonder Alonsos fly to right, Yasmani Grandals sacrifice fly scored Venable to tie the score at 2-2. Kennedys single gave the Padres the advantage as Gyorko scored the innings third run. The Twins tied the game in the sixth when Trrevor Plouffe scored on a wild pitch after reaching on a double and going to third on Chris Parmelees groundout. Adam Eaton Jersey. In the third, Plouffe had extended the Twins lead to 2-0 when he singled in Brian Dozier. Dozier led off with a single, which extended his hitting streak to 10 games, tying a career-high. His 41 runs lead the AL. The Twins, who beat the Padres for the seventh straight time, took the early lead when Parmelee opened the second with 417-foot homer to centre, his third of the season. NOTES: Padres P Andrew Cashner, who is on the DL with right elbow soreness, isnt too concerned. An MRI on Monday didnt reveal significant damage. "I dont think it is anything serious," Cashner said. "Im going to rest for a week and well see where we are." RHP Donn Roach will make his second start in place of Cashner on Saturday against the Cubs. . OF Carlos Quentin is day-to-day with a groin injury he suffered on Sunday at Colorado. "Were trying to keep him off the DL," manager Bud Black said. Quentin was activated May 13 after hurting his left knee in camp. . With the first of five interleague games on Tuesday, the Twins recalled C/OF Chris Herrmann after Sundays game. "Its nice because hes able to catch a little for us and I can use him or (Josmil) Pinto in a pinch-hitting role," manager Ron Gardenhire said. "You have that extra guy and you need that in this league.".. Mauer extended his interleague hitting streak to 14 games, the second-longest active streak to the Angels Mike Trout (15). . Twins RHP Phil Hughes (4-1, 3.61) faces Padres RHP Tyson Ross (5-3, 2.81) in Wednesdays series finale. Cheap NFL Jerseys Wholesale Jerseys Wholesale NFL Jerseys Jerseys From China Wholesale NFL Jerseys Cheap NFL Jerseys Cheap Jerseys Cheap Jerseys ' ' '

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